You should be happy for what you had, good advice, only it tends to come from people who havent recently lost anything. Theyre right, you know it, you just dont wanna accept it, not yet. Choose to be happy, dont hold back, express it, choose to feel how you feel or to change. All good advice, all hard to follow.

The insanity is wanting it all back while you know you can never have it again, a dam persistent thought. Makes me wish I could control the world, but I know its not going to make me happy. It wouldnt be reality, it would all be a lie, forcing people to my will. They deserve their choices and to be free.

So that leaves me, I have my path to follow and they have theirs. we all have our own, they may intertwine, but the path still belongs to the individual.

Goodbyes are hard for me, it aches, everything hurts, then I just go numb. Not the non-feeling numb, a more acclamation type, still awareness of it just not feeling as bad as you know it should.

Time heals all wounds, but the scars remain, reminders of what was. Or what will be if you dont learn from them. A nice thouhgt that it will go away, not so easy to grasp in the here and now, but worthy of consideration. So Im not going to die from it all, but, quoting Aladdin, "You'd be Surprised what you can live through." (yeah thats just me having fun)

Goodnight.....Gooday.....good....whatever

MS

these are just some random thoughts, please nobody take offense.